Yesterday I attended a benefit for a friend who has stage four melanoma. She was young and full of life one day, and in the hospital the next with serious bad news. We go through our daily lives never dreaming such tragedy could strike us. At least I don’t much think about these things. My heart is sad for her husband who is like a lost puppy; for her daughters who are doting on her hoping to have quality time for a few months; and for her mother who knows that NO mother should ever outlive her child. And as I sat with my friends, signing Karoke to “That’s What Friends Are For”…tears fell from all of our eyes unashamedly. It was difficult to leave the party, to say that last goodbye, to let go when we had that last hug. I am not sure if I will see her again. So many thoughts and what ifs….and so on. This certainly is now a time for reflection in my life.
Have I been a good wife, a good mother, and was I a good daughter? Have I been a good and faithful friend to those I love and trust? And have I been able to be a friend to those I do not love nor trust? And have I been true to what I believe in and searched for that which I could not? Have I been true to myself and have I lived my life not just for others, but so that I might be enriched and fulfilled? Have I supported and encouraged the artist within? Questions, questions, questions. I have no answers.
Instead I went into my sewing room to work on the unfinished wedding quilt for my son who was married a year ago. Perhaps I’d better finish it…perhaps in a few months, well, I won’t even say it. And all those other UFOs! But the panic quickly left. What I really must do is to call my two sons, and my daughter and tell them just how much they mean to me today. I do this occasionally, but one more time can’t hurt. And when I lay beside my husband tonight I will tell him how much I love him today, yesterday, and for always. Not who, not where, not what I am is important. Simply just to be is enough. The rest will come.